modified of heart .. just write =)

Pandai besi itu bukanlah seorang sang pemahat, yang selalu menempa dalam api memerah
dan ketika saja aku dapat melihat, mungkin memang aku akan marah 
Bermain air hilangkan gerah, tubuh basah letih pun mendekap
tetapi aku tak kan marah, justru maaf yang akan ku ucap
Dengan berpantun hilangkan kesepian,penat yang membawa
bisa jadi kita demikian, kar’na diri adalah sebaik-baik adalah cerminan =')

Bukan engkau yang bersalah, mungkin diri ini pula yang banyak berbuat tingkah
kar’na bisa jadi ketika kita berbuat baik di sini, takdir kita melakukan kebaikan pula di sana
saat kita berlaku tak benar di sini, mungkin ia sedang melakukan kekhilafan serupa di sana
kar’na mungkin sgala upaya yang kurang keras, niat yang kurang ikhlas, atau doa yang kurang deras
semoga jadi pemantik, agar kepantasan diri tak pernah merasa cantik, agar kita selalu berusaha menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik
kar’na Allah tak pernah ingkar menakdirkan yang baik untuk yang baik

Hey, kamu, iya yang sedang melihat ini :)
Kamu sudah dimaafkan, dan aku meminta maaf pula padamu atas kesalahan yang boleh jadi aku tak seberani dan sejujur dirimu untuk mengungkapnya di sini dengan tulisan. Semoga kita selalu jadi orang baik dan beruntung, yang hari ini lebih baik dari hari sebelumnya. Bisa? ;)

 Sebelum takdir tiba pada waktunya, teguhkan hatiku untuk meyakini bahwa rencana-Mu pasti jauh lebih baik dari mimpiku.

When will i speak

When will i speak for myself without fear?
When will i speak to you without love?
They all watch me, like hawks, trying to keep me from falling again. What they dont realize is you cant fall in if you never fell out. Why am i so afraid to tell them i want to try again? Its not anyones business but yours and mine. I have no time planned. No date comes to mind. All i can say is soon.

"Officially Missing You"
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It won't go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you

It's official
You know that I'm missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you

 “Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy.— Gordon B. Hinckley”

 I just want to tell you all that there is a way out of the darkness. Whether it’s an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, self harm, a bad day, a rough week, a break up, the loss of a loved one, a move, a new school, a new job, or a tough time, it will get better. I promise. Don’t give up. The only way it won’t get better is if you end it. Please stay strong and know that I’m rooting for you and I’m here for you and I love you.

“All the signs of life
They’re all around me with every heartbeat
I feel so alive,
I am joy and sadness,
Peace and madness
If only I can fight just a little longer
I know It’s gonna make me stronger.
So I’ll just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength to fight
And the heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe in you.”

I

love love love love love love love love love
love love love love love love love love love love love
love can’t love love love love love love love love love love love love love
love love love love love love

Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love
love love love love love love love love exist love love love love love love
love love love love
love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love without love love

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

you.

 

 “Everyone has their own demons to fight, many need help but many choose to keep it to themselves as for thinking themselves as “bothersome” your demons are yours to fight but their easier to defeat with someone along side you who might have also faced the same demon. After you have defeated one you too will have battle scars to show and share the knowledge of how do defeat retched demons, the demon may at times have won the battle but you can ALWAYS win the war.” 

I'm sorry.

I’m sorry for my jealousy. I’m sorry for hurting you. I just care about you so much, I just can’t stand the thought of you loving someone besides me. I love you more than anything or anyone, and I just want you to be able to say the same. I’m so sorry that I get jealous, but I can’t really help it, although I’m trying so hard. All for you. All because I love you. I will never ever leave you. I said that and I meant it beautiful. I love you. I guess I’m just afraid that you’ll stop telling me when you need help. That you’ll go to them instead of me, and I just want to be the one who helps you. I try so hard to babe, I really do. I love you so much… Sorry for my jealousy.

Shit

there must be a reason why I can’t let you go, there must be a reason why we always end up coming back to each other again no matter what’s happened or how long we haven’t been talking for.
there’s nothing special about you, but to me everything about you is literally perfect
it worries me that ill always have something for you, and that something will stop me from meeting new people and getting a girlfriend and moving on
have you got that one person that you would die for and you would do anything to be with? that person where you both act like you dont care but you wont admit it hurts? that one person where you act like your together but you cant be with because its already too complicated? sometimes people were meant to fall in love but not be together

Some days, you'll feel sad without knowing why. Like you lost something very precious but forgot what it was, or you miss someone you never met. 

 “Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.” and as another year passes I am grateful, simply from your presence.

 

 
(video and song of ME,creative ayujoesha :) )

I love seeing your face hearing your voice and getting to remember you in your most perfectly imperfect state…the way i felt to hug you, to hold you, just to be in the same space as you. Last night I had dreams of you  but waking up this morning feeling like I do knowing that you’re gone…nope…I can’t handle it. I miss you so much and I can’t fix it. I feel so empty when everyone around me works so hard to try and keep me happy…you’d be excited about the little things going on, but I don’t get to hear that creepy little excited voice you’d get. I still miss you and I know some things will just never change…

I want to remember him as that little light that is always here. That will guide me home. That will give me hope in the darkness. That tells me that giving up isn’t  option.   muach :*

 

 

Keeping Promises

I try and try but can never just give up I will always have a breaking point and relapse. I know this is going to be hard . I WILL ALWAYS CAVE IN AND FALL BACK TO MY OLD WAYS. I’m so so sorry….. I just can’t hold back anymore…

I know that you miss him and he’s the only thing on your mind right now. I know that the lack of sleep and the loss of appetite are eating at you everyday  I know that you cry yourself to sleep at night and hope tomorrow will be better. I know that you’re hurt and alone and abandoned. I know that he made promises and I know that he lied. I know that every time you get a text your face lights up because you think that maybe, just maybe it’s him. I know that your body trembles at the thought of him. I know that you didn’t expect to lose him. I know that every song reminds you of him, and you relate every quote to him. I know that you think that he’s the one for you. I know you compare every other guy to him. And I know you think that no other guy can compare to him. I know you reread old texts from him and wish you could turn back time. I know you think it’s your fault. I know you know it’s not.I know what you’re going through. I know that he doesn’t miss you and there’s a new girl on his mind. I know that he goes about each day like nothing ever happened.I know that he’s smiling, that he’s happy. I know he’s moving on.I know that he knows he broke promises. I know he doesn’t care. I know he’s not going to text you. He’s done with you. I know he doesn’t think about you. I know that he knew he was going to leave you. I know that all of ‘your songs’ don’t mean anything to him anymore. I know that he’s not the one for you. I know he doesn’t compare her to you. I know that he thinks you’re nothing special. I know that he’s not going back. I know he pretends it’s not his fault. I know he knows it is. I know he doesn’t care about what you’re going through. 

J O E S H A @aiujoesha